birthday, beer and burgers

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As the lovely birthday celebrant Anna pointed out, who can refuse a cheap beer and burger deal and alliteration? But seriously, Melbourne’s favourite non-blogging food blogger was celebrating – who could miss it for the world? 1000 Pound Bend has been around for quite some time and they even have a Cafe Poet but to be honest, I’d been too wimpy to go. It would appear it’s not hipsters who have a problem with me, maybe I’m the hipster racist! I like the inclusive ones, honest! There just doesn’t seem to be many of them…

pretty lights

Anyway. Anna’s birthday. As soon as I got through the door, a jam jar of mulled wine (or three) was the ticket. Melbourne had been gorgeous all day and then fog descended like mad and it got fucking freezing. They really hit the spot.

mulled wine

An amusing blog post has been making the rounds of late and I realised that, sadly for you, dear reader, I identify with quite a few types. My personal favourite is this one:

The Literary wannabe
Probably the least read of the tribe. Pepper their posts with writerly posturings and clumsy literary references that any grade five kid could recognise.

Oh so guilty as charged. However, this post conforms to another one of the types listed which to be honest I find a little less shameful:

The ‘what I ate last night’ crowd
Totally pre-occupied with explaining in excruciating detail, the contents of their bowl of Weetbix and milk

I guess one of the reasons I find the latter less shameful especially in this particular situation is, laugh if you want, but often looking back on this food blog has been a chronicle of really positive memories and meeting people who have given off those vibes. It’s also been a lovely pleasant distraction from not being able to write any poetry, or find readers for said poetry when written. Of course there’s nothing wrong with your friends not wanting to read your poetry (it is nice when they invariably do) but when an activity like that means the world to you and you have no audience, it gets very lonely.

St Jerome's Caledonian lager

So my apologies – you’re reading about the burger, beer and cake I had the other night at some trendy joint because I’m trying not to sook about my ignored, appalling poetry!

Personal disappointments aside, there are a few reasons you should probably check out 1000 Pound Bend if you’re in the area and particularly on a Tuesday night. $2.50 pots of St Jerome’s Caledonian lager and $8 burgers – you can choose from a patty of roo, chicken or saganaki. I know Anna went the saganaki. I had a roo one which while absolutely delicious is not a first date experience: you’ll get it all over your hands and all around your mouth and one napkin will not be enough to save your dignity.

Tristan came fashionably late (a few folks did have an half-hour wait at some stage in the night because the burgers were very popular, do note) and his order got a little lost in the matrix and only chicken was available to him. I believe you need to turn up between 5-11pm for the cheap beer and burgers.

roo burger

I may have got a little enthusiastic about eating my burger, so much so that I nearly inadvertently body modified my lip with a skewer piercing. Uh yeah, remove the skewer before you eat your burger, folks, even though it will fall apart. You can see how they would be unwieldy – look at it, leaning all Tower of Pisa-like. Beautiful sweet-sour relish and a not too gamey pattie. Could’ve had two, really.

Billy of course had his burger-eating technique down-pat: the trick is to take the top of your burger bun, scoop out the soft underneath, replace and then proceed to eat like a…fast food burger, and with some dignity. Both in Melbourne eatery and kitchen know-how, Billy really never fails to make my jaw drop (unfair, man). On this particular night it was directly because of the lovely birthday cake he made with Penny and Henry’s help. He is going to make the best guncle ever to future nephews and nieces.

the best homemade birthday cake I have ever seen

Of course it was delicious, the birthday celebrant loved it and Billy sliced it and doled it out like a pro. Truly.

burger birthday cake, detail

The venue were kind enough to supply extra crockery and cutlery.

A wonderful night was had by all. Happy birthday, dearest Anna!

1000 Pound Bend on Urbanspoon

hipster-laden tacos

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You may recall that recently Tristan wrote about hipster free tacos. Not long after his Mad Mex experience, I had the good fortune to catch the Mecca of Melbourne movable eateries, or one half at least – the newish Taco Truck.

I wouldn’t normally go out of my way to visit the Taco Truck because it normally frequents a part of town that is sadly quite far from me. However, on this particular really horribly freezing night, for some amazing reason, they broadcast on their Twitter account that they would be at Glenn College at La Trobe University, Bundoora.

There is nothing out this way. Sure, the Bedroom Philosopher has immortalised the number 86 tram (from Bundoora RMIT campus to Spencer Street Station), but Bundoora has very little in the way to celebrate unless you go further north and catch a rare but magic glimpse of the semi-naked all-seasons Mill Park running man. God, I’d love to meet that dude.

So after driving around for half an hour on La Trobe’s grounds and getting directions off strangers (some of whom were kind enough to warn me emphatically not to walk through certain parts of the campus alone…shudder), I made it to the bloody truck. La Trobe, you guys need maps and adequate lighting about your traps. And competent security guards.

I do like that they’d (I assume) trekked out all the way to the outer north because there was a joint Filipino, Indian and Australian art exhibition so luckily for me (as I was dressed very shabbily), there was a distinct dea(r)th of hipsters. In fact, it was quite a friendly sound, hearing some folks speaking my mother’s native tongue Tagalog and folks of all ages queueing up for the food.

I bellowed my order as loudly as I could and waited in line for half an hour (this was only really an issue because it was below 10C. Ordering beer in the meantime was out of the question because it was that cold. A sad state of affairs).

They had a good deal going – $12 for a plate of two tacos and corn chips. You could choose from fish, chicken or potato. I chose fish and chicken. As soon as I got my order (which I suspect they may have forgotten to fill initially), I literally ran back to my car, started it and ate in relative warmth.

Taco Truck plate

Of course when the hipster half of the blog visited where it’s normally placed in Carlton, he got a much prettier picture of his nosh.

The corn chips were great. I’m hoping Clovis, the owner of Mad Mex wasn’t lying when he said that their own corn chips were authentic because if this is the case, then that makes Taco Truck’s ones equally so – they were very, very similar in taste.

I was sceptical at first about the fish in the taco being battered but one bite slayed any such fears I had – the fish taco was divine and my overt carnivore actually preferred that over the chicken taco though that was also flavoursome and fresh. Wish I’d ordered an extra one.

Now, to retry Beatbox Kitchen and judge them outside of Laneway Festival constraints.

Taco Truck on Urbanspoon

just when you thought the Local could serve you no better

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I always look forward to Ale Stars sessions at The Local Taphouse. If you’ve been reading the blog long enough you’d see that to be the case for they are sessions of much love, a place where you can talk about mouthfeel and not be verbally stoned, collectively bitch about Untappd being down again (regardless of what flavour of smartphone you have) and avoid ‘characters’ such as the one I am about to describe to you.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a friend’s birthday party dinner. One of her friends seems to derive enjoyment from mentioning how ace he is for being a useful(*subject to individual opinion) law student and shoot down others not in his ‘league’. I managed to cop an earful for very, very discreetly pulling out this gorgeous little beer nerd number to make a record of my drinking habits, the book for which I must thank Dave and Hollie of Innspire and the hipster capital of the world, Portland, Oregon…

33 Bottles of Beer notebook

Should you want to acquire any of these adorable beer-wanky whatsits, you are strongly encouraged to go to the website of the creator with whom I’ve dealt with personally and thoroughly recommend and will continue to keep on dealing. They also have versions of the notebook for cheese, wine, coffee and cigars. Wankers of all persuasions eat your hearts out!

In any case, I digest (my favourite Ali G malapropism of all time and remarkably apt for a food blog). The Local Taphouse continue to service (and protect!) beer nerds not just with the pub’s actual existence, but have now got a new shop next door for some takeaway goodness called The Local BottleStore & Provisions. Upon entering you will most likely see James Smith aproned up. It’s like walking into an old-school smallgoods store.

Though they are now readily available, I still marvel at the notion of BrewDog Punk IPA in cans.

The selection of beer is very well put together – admittedly, I couldn’t help but compare to another favourite purveyor of mine Slowbeer and notice that both will attract me as a consumer as their range combined does not double up much. Sadly, neither venues are particularly close to me but I suspect that will force me to be financially well-behaved…of a fashion.

Behold, the siren song of great beer calls from the fridges.

In that shot, you can also see a mixed 6-pack – there were a few about. Depending on your persuasion (say, if you want very hoppy beers, or porters), you can find a few themed mixed 6-packs thoughtfully put together. Naturally, do not hesitate to talk to James if you need any recommendations or help or information – several folks made use of his knowledge during our too-short sneak peek.

Then there are two consummate accompaniments to any good booze – cured meat and cheese. Do not go into this place if you are depressed and cashed up. You’ll end up poorer having consoled yourself with the culinary equivalent of lipgloss and books (oh, okay, that’s just me). The selection is small and there are very detailed notes about all of these offerings on a board. These folks have done their research! Tasty, tasty research. mmm.

If you want to read about what the owner, Steve Jeffares, has to say about this exciting little add-on, then there’s an article on Oz Brews News and if you’re social media stalky, um, I mean savvy, then check out the The Local Taphouse’s post about the The BottleStore here for contact details. Steve has said to me that they’re not quite finished and that growlers will be available soon – very exciting news! Takeaway fresh beer, yippee! Oh, and no nasties to ‘berate’ you for being an epic beer nerd. We’re all at home here.