I’ve no idea what I’m doing from here onwards, given I thought I wouldn’t be…’existing’ anymore
I lost my job and miss the kids I worked with immensely (to be clear: I didn’t leave and am not sure exactly what the reasons were for my employment termination but not going to fight to stick around where I’m not wanted…which is already 95% of my existence; for a brief second I wished I were a straight cishet male of coloniser complexion with no invisible illnesses. Also: please sack people in person. You’re not being gentle by doing it via e-mail)
at the top of my tenor viol game and kind of have to be for April; swan necking like I’ve never swan necked before! and no longer have feeling on the side of my left index finger
being depressed-depressed and non-mood disorder depressed about white people and how exclusionary Western high art early modern music is: why is it okay for white people to suck on the viol but intolerable for me to? And to still not be welcome once you start to suck a lot less? (don’t fall in love with niche interests)
fuck Brexit, fuck Boris Johnson being able to recite ancient Greek texts by heart for nearly five minutes, fuck the Australian Government for having a PM who goes on holiday while the country BURNS, fuck rape apologists becoming OAMs, fuck queer and/or disabled discourse still being so whitecentric
stuff to tell you about Hecate journal and poems not borne out of psychological pain
a Midsumma night’s dream…performance
the public health system still having no idea about PMDD which it turns out I’ve most likely had ever since I started menstruating in grade 6 *audible exhalation* — seriously, how is it fair to start that young?!
where the hell did the month go when not staying indoors thanks to bushfire smoke, red mud rain, getting drenched in non-mud rain and living my best Wildean or Rimbaudian life
learning that cis bi males are just as shitty as cishet ones (yeah, they’ve been ‘colonial in complexion’ – god am I going to overuse that phrase now that I’ve learnt it); I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand hierarchical polyamorists. Not sure I want to, either…
another Midsumma night’s dream…performance – Rapid Fire at beloved Hares and Hyenas, and thinking of how lucky I was to know Judith Rodriguez
contemplating life without one of one’s non-subsidised medications due to what I consider unfair termination of my contract thus leading to unemployment
having the worst birthday month ever but at least it was consistently bad for lots of people thanks to COVID-19
our Disabled QBIPOC Collective completed our first consultancy gig – auditing an arts space for its accessibility (including for invisible illnesses too)
having lost a lot of potential work and living in a worldwide pandemic which seemingly came about overnight
following my state’s social isolation restrictions seriously, and ending up having to have a COVID-19 test thanks to an outbreak at my default psych facility (stay safe, folks. Wear a mask if you’ve got one, it’s not just about you getting infected but also being a carrier who passes it on)
starting therapy for PTSD to try and manage its inconvenient bodily manifestations
oh dear god, how did I forget to tell everyone that Ian MacLarty and I collaborated on a videogame?! It’s called ‘If We Were Allowed To Visit‘ – it only runs in browsers but please don’t let that deter you from checking it out!
Writers’ Victoria published a poem of mine in their ‘Bold and Brilliant’ member magazine. It’s called ‘driving / being driven’ and is part of my first poetry manuscript
a few commissions which will soon come to light (embargoes, soz!)
working on my backlog of reviews from last year, and a new one on Thuy On’s poetry collection Turbulence for Rabbit Poetry Journal
mental-healthwise it’s still been a rough month and ironically am seeing some let up due to an ear canal infection?! Motivation to leave the house has been difficult but booking a flu shot helped!
PMDD stuff also seems to have been successfully treated thanks to a wonderful GP; the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne were oddly unhelpful (they were quite unsympathetic to issues like body dysphoria brought on by heavy menstruation, for example)
reading and editing some fresh Concrete Queers submissions! It’s no secret that I’m a nerd, but I really enjoy editing poetry and combing through poems to get them to their personal best. It feels more healing to be invested in others’ work rather than my own at present…not sure why
our Disabled QBIPOC Collective has some good things brewing which will soon come to light! We were always real, but it’s nice that folks outside of us are taking us seriously too
Creatives of Colour awarded the Disabled QBIPOC Collective a ‘Rest and Reflect’ residency, where we were paid to take time out to rest – not as easy as it sounds (the outcome of my residency was I stopped avoiding processing grief after the passing of one of my oldest friends in late July…it’s hit me harder and for longer than I thought it would); we were also awarded residencies individually
you can now read my poem ‘music to interrogate by‘ from Concrete Queers zine, yea! It’s been up for a while but do forgive me…it’s been hard to think of updating this section generally when there’s been so much life changes
managed to get a line in Benjamin Laird’s ‘Panacea‘ for Red Room Poetry…dear god, I don’t even remember the line I wrote or responded to (could probably dig up though!)
reviewed the novel Poly by Paul Delgarno for The Big Issue, specifically this edition
LIKELIKE asked if they could use ‘If We Were Allowed To Visit’ could be included in their online exhibition ‘First Person Soother‘ – which is also discussed in this video (it’s a long ‘un but major props for the Kenny G intro!)
working on a book review, and two commissions which will come to light later in the year!
LIMINAL magazine published a piece they commissioned from me as part of their Taste chapbook – it’s called ‘what is taste‘ – this is one of the commissions I talked about in months before
If We Were Allowed To Visit is going to appear in another online exhibition!
now is a great time to sign up for my Patreon because I’m giving existing followers free beer reviews! Am up to the fourth one presently and got three* more planned!(*actually: loads more)
working on another commission hot off the heels of the LIMINAL one, and thinking it’ll go live either this month or early next month
got another disability-related commission and have had ideas for its execution already, THANK YOU BRAIN
will be appearing as part of a panel for Writers Vic next month – not sure on when we’re allowed to give full details, but pretty excited to be taken seriously by some peers I look up to!
folks on prazosin (Minipress) – you might want to avoid Chemist Warehouse as they don’t seem to have it in stock…and it’s a worry. Have had luck with Priceline though (this is life-saving medication for me, not advertising for the pharmacies mentioned above)
I got my Freeplay award statue, squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
just workworkwork, medsmedsmeds, migrainemigrainemigraine, nightmaresnightmaresnightmares