Dessert heaven. It exists.

I should stop reading online reviews. They fuel my gustatory lust. For this reason, I found myself at Cafe Rosamond in Collingwood to try out Pierre Roelofs’ Thursday dessert night. Have you had an argument with a loved one? Apologise by taking them here. Do you want to take out your best mate and impress the bejesus out of them? Take them here. Are you looking to invent a reason to go out and spend good money on lavish desserts? No? Why not? Invent a reason and bemoan your poverty later!

Thankfully because it was raining, there was no line out the door. Cafe Rosamond is small and even once seated, it’s very, very cosy so once I was in, I thought it best to go the whole hog – the tubes and the three courses of dessert please!

Ah, the tubes. This evening’s tubes were cola spiders. Cola jelly, vanilla bean ice cream and whipped cream, all to be sucked up in one go. I even tasted lime in mine. A word of caution: if you’ve come here pretending to be the arbiter in hipster cool, once you have one of these that façade will vanish. From one such table of hipsters, I heard the follow words burst forth: “Oh my god, that is AWESOME!!!” You might recall from previous blog posts that I am not above showing my excitement for dessert (for example, the crème brûlée burnt sugar cracking experience at the Station Hotel). It was most satisfying, therefore, to hear other diners echoing my child-like glee at those tubes of wonder.

Our waiter was adorable. As soon as he saw the DSLR (not mine, I am always quick to point out, lest I be viewed as a DSLR wanker), he asked what the name of the blog was. We had been outed. He also cheekily noted that we’d wiped our plates clean after the first dessert course – a gorgeous, edible mixed-media sculpture of quince, ricotta and peanut. The textures in these desserts are phenomenal and always a surprise with each bite. Will you get nuts, jelly or fruit? What flavour will linger most on your tongue? Absolutely stunning.

The second course was a traditional steamed golden syrup pudding with vanilla bean flecked custard. I was glad it was small because this one is sweet! The custard helps to dilute the sweetness, as does a nice long black. I am getting wistful just remembering this.

The last course was a return to the edible mixed-media sculpture style as witnessed in the first course. This time, we were treated to cubes of pear, sweet potato and dairy – I think the dairy was cubes of semifreddo! This was topped with a thread of caramel with a thick paste-like consistency. Interestingly enough, the sweet potato was not sweet – at dinner beforehand I’d had sweet potato gyoza and they were so much sweeter than this. It seems such a shame to demolish these desserty treasures but bellies must be fed, you understand. I recall saying to my partner that this would be the sort of dessert that might attract someone like my brother – he doesn’t really like very sweet things, and I didn’t find this to be sweet at all. Dessert definitely does not need to be sweet in order to be amazing, as I’m sure Roefols has proven aptly with these sumptuous creations.

These beauties are just an example of some of the desserts you may end up having as they change every week. Cafe Rosamond doesn’t take bookings, but they’re open till fairly late – I got there just before 9pm and more folks popped in later as we were dining. Melbourne Gastronome speaks highly of the gush-inducing tubes and Joyce of Mel: Hot or Not gives it a ‘hot’. I don’t know how long the dessert nights will run, but if you have a sweet tooth, you really ought to pay these folks a visit.

So you’ve shelled out your $40 for all three courses and had the tube. Still left wanting (really? you greedy whatsit!)? You can buy an instant pudding mix to take home! They had just released a spiced plum and frangipane one the night I was there and have had a chocolate and coconut one available at the time of writing this. Given how bad my insomnia is, best not to…I can imagine these would be the perfect late-night treat. It could indeed become an expensive (and girth-stretching) habit.

If you’d like to see more photos taken on the night, check out Tris’ Flickr album. Having trouble finding the place? Enter via Charles St off Smith St – address says Smith St rear but it’s not physically located on it.

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