Tag Archives: CBD

one man’s coffee odyssey -or- what is this shit?

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Living in Melbourne, – the coffee and café capital of Australia –  we Melburnians get to feel superior to the rest of Australia. We have great coffee and a great culture to go along with it. Throw in tonnes (or tons for you Yanks) of great cafés and we’re in coffee Nirvana, right?

Oh, but what about the is-this-coffee-or-reconstituted-ash you get from that local cafe you avoid, or the is-there-coffee-in-my-milk ‘drinks’ you can pick up from Starjeans or Glory Bucks? Oh, shit, I neglected to mention those while I was heaping bile on the uncultured lot from Sydney. Well then, I guess if I’m going to participate in the culinary circle jerk that is food blogging, I better acknowledge Melbourne’s ‘dark side’. Or, to put it into movie parlance: ‘with a smug sense of superiority comes great responsibility’.

The other reason I thought I’d write about the good and the bad is because of personal experience – I have had a phenomenal amount of questionable coffee. Mostly on my journey to work in the morning. You know what it’s like: you roll out of bed and stumble out the door a walking zombie. You’re running late – again – and you don’t have time to go to the good coffee place, so you settle for that place.

My route to work takes me past a number of those places, dispensers of caffeinated calamities: Baguette and Coffee HQ.

While I’ve never had coffee from Coffee HQ – far too long a wait for average coffee, you see – others I know have. It also gets an emphatic thumbs down at Decaf Sucks. Case closed on that one.

Next up is Baguette, which I have been caffeinated at. The staff are always friendly, which always perks me up until I taste the coffee – which would swing wildly between too bitter and too milky. For the inconsistency the (roughly) $3.50 you pay for a small coffee is too much.

Between those two coffee failures in Flinders Street Station I was a dejected man; there are more cafés on Flinders Street proper and up Swanston Street, but both options seemed to be too long a detour from my route to work down St Kilda Road.

So with these failures I gave up trying to find a pre-work ‘hit’. This was until I found myself en face de (that’s French for ‘in front of’ and not French for  ‘petit miam‘ as you’re probably thinking) Centro coffee. I tasted the coffee. It was A-MAZIE-ING: the angels sang, the cherubs…err…chortled and I exhaled, knowing I’d found my coffee place.

Flash forward to the next day and I could again be found out the front of Centro, ready to repeat yesterday’s experience.
I was greeted (?) by a churlish staff member, parted with with my $4 (!) and received a foul tasting Bundle of Bleh (BoB). I had been mislead by one decent coffee, only to find it could not be repeated.

Apparently if I wanted bathe in coffee comfort I’d have to travel out at lunch to either St Ali, or Dead Man Espresso (both of which are excellent).

coffee maestros

I was destitute, until one day I decided to be SUPER spontaneous and leave Flinders St Station via the Degraves subway – you know, mix things up, keep things interesting. I zombie shuffled my way through the station barriers with the other sheeple, preparing to make my assent up the steps out of the subway until I saw some 5 Senses coffee out of the corner of my eye sitting in the window of the Cup of Truth. Warm. Copies of the painfully trendy Broadsheet Melbourne in a basket out the front. Warmer. Swarms of people waiting for coffee. Hot.

All the boxes were ticked; I was buying a coffee. Would my heart be torn asunder like so much crepe paper?

*cue inappropriately placed ad break*

No. It was a spectacular coffee! Over the next week or so I kept coming back; I didn’t want to be the guy that falls head-over-heels with a coffee place that I’ve just met. Let me tell you it wasn’t lust, it was love.

The other thing to love about Cup of Truth is the banter between the owners, Courtney and Verity – always friendly and often irreverent – it’s a great way to start the day. Despite the alluded-to trendiness of the blend and street press, this is no hipster-thronged venue; there are no too-tight jean-wearing hipsters delicately track standing their vintage ‘fixies’ while their personal baristas deliver the single origin pour-over in-situ. Thank Gawd. While I like going to the ‘cool’ coffee places with the great coffee on the weekends, I want something with a little less pretence on my way to work. Cup of Truth is it.

**Update** As mentioned by Ryan in the comments, I omitted the reason for the name ‘Cup of Truth’. To be honest, it hadn’t actually clicked until mentioned; on the counter at Cup of Truth sits a cup full of change, where customers are trusted to deposit their money, and fish out correct change – an honesty system, or indeed, a Cup of Truth 😉

Cup of Truth on Urbanspoon

Saturday night dining at Cumulus

My Bit O’ Meat is a kind lad. It was his father’s birthday recently so he wanted to treat both father and his stepmother to a really lovely meal out in the city. But where to go? Everywhere we were all initially keen on was booked out, so we had a shot at this ‘no bookings for fewer than x‘ caper and tried to hit up Cumulus in Flinders Lane in the city.

chefs at work

To say it was packed was an understatement. We put our names at the door and tried to find elsewhere. Mamasita had a line all the way down the stairs so we drank some poor examples of cocktails at Terra Rossa (my Long Island Iced Tea neither looked the colour of iced tea nor tasted alcoholic. Never again!) and waited. Over an hour later, and we’re in Cumulus and I have a Tom Collins in my hand – a distinct improvement on Terra Rossa’s cocktail ‘renditions’.

Communal dining is definitely the order of the day at this place. Everything we ordered was shareable except perhaps the nettle and scallop soup though the two of us that ordered it shared it with our other halves. It comes in a large glass tumbler which you drink it out of. My first time eating nettles – I’d only just learnt that they were edible. Chef Andrew McConnell shares his recipe for it on Broadsheet if you fancy trying to make it at home!

nettle soup, hervey bay scallop

S chose the crispy school prawns which were just divine in their light batter and hint of chilli. The prawns are so young that you can eat their shells. Amazing!

crispy school prawns sautéed with chilli and garlic

T chose a dish him and I had had the pleasure of enjoying at Cutler & Co. that he thought his parents would love – the slow cooked octopus with aioli and dehydrated olive. Such pleasing morsels. Don’t be shy to mop up the remaining oil with your choice or rye or sourdough bread either…I wasn’t!

slow cooked octopus with aioli, dehydrated olive

Not quite onto mains proper, we moved up to bigger shareable things – the first of which was foie gras parfait with toasted brioche.

foie gras parfait with toasted brioche

Someone I know who works in the hospitality industry has told me that at Cutler & Co. (and thus also at Cumulus), they use very little foie gras in their dishes which contain them. Interestingly enough, this doesn’t really dampen my enjoyment of such dishes.

The next dish chosen was the pressed chicken terrine with English cream dressing and breakfast radishes. The dressing was delightful and complemented the terrine wonderfully with its crunch and sourness.

pressed chicken terrine, english creamdressing & breakfast radishes

Onto my absolute favourite dish of the evening – the tuna tartare with a crushed pea salad. I could eat this as a main all by itself, by myself! Dishes like this ensure I could never, ever give up seafood. The accompanying peas could also probably cure you of your childhood hatred for them.

tuna tartare with crushed green pea salad

Finally, we’re at the main – the humble roast: a whole roast lamb shoulder to share. Given the amount of dishes we’d had previously, I’d say this could easily feed six people or an extremely ravenous quartet. Thankfully the lads on the table were roast smashers. S said this was the best roast she’d ever had in her life!

T and I had successfully rationed our glasses of the Romante ‘Regente’ palo cortado (again, had at Cutler & Co. and jumped on it as soon as we saw it on the wine list here) up to this point. After consultation with the waiter, we had a glass each of a beautiful lush red whose name escapes me and I cannot find it on the restaurant’s website as they do not list the wines available by the glass.

whole slow roast lamb shoulder to share

Of course we had some sides – the green bean salad with Ortiz anchovies and mustard dressing (which both parentals said was their favourite thing for the whole night), and some new potatoes with confit garlic and lemon.

green bean salad with Ortiz anchovies and mustard dressing

new potatoes, savoury, confit garlic & lemon

Despite being suitably fed by our savoury courses, space was made for dessert. Both S and I had two lemon curd filled madeleines each. You have to be careful how you hold these or the lemon curd will leak out. Both Proust and Freud I’m sure would have a field day with these…

madeleine, filled with lemon curd

T had the mandarin parfait with almond cake and soft chocolate. He let me have a little to taste and I confess that it wasn’t particularly exciting.

mandarin parfait, almond cake and soft chocolate

If I’d had real space, I would have done like the birthday celebrant and ordered cheese for afters – he chose the Spanish bleu des Basques sheep’s milk blue cheese.

bleu des basques sheep's milk blue cheese from spain

Of late both my parents and T’s parents have railed on us for our extravagant, hedonistic food blogger wankster ways (more than fair call!) and after taking one set of the haters to Cumulus, we have partial converts. Cumulus serves special yet approachable dishes and is casual but still retains a sense of finesse in its outfit. Busy as almighty fuck on the nights everyone loves to go out, so be prepared for a wait and don’t expect to go in for a traditional three-course à la carte experience – orders loads of dishes and share with your fellow diners, it’s fabulous fun.

Cumulus Inc. on Urbanspoon

je ne suis pas un traiteur*

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I am an idiot.

But you probably already knew that, so let me be more specific. Before work, I decided to pop into Earl Canteen for the duck baguette I’d yet to salivate over. Despite living in Melbourne for twenty years and spending at least ten in the city, I managed to hop on the wrong tram and thus be whisked away far from Earl.

Serendiptously, I was near the brand new Le Traiteur. Rather mussed up (due to rain) and amused (due to having to walk past a strip joint), I went in and squinted myopically at the menu, pondering what baguette to take away.

They had just started making them when I’d arrived, and not being able to wait long, I told them what appealed and they could give me what was ready. Thus, I met the salted beef, organic Emmenthal, gherkin and mustard mayonnaise baguette.

salted beef, organic Emmenthal, gherkins & mustard mayonnaise

I’m a massive gherkin and mustard fan, so this was guaranteed to satisfy. But the beef! So tender. The baguettes are very soft, which is great for me as sometimes I struggle to chomp the crustier versions. It didn’t quite fill me up and left me wishing I’d chosen a pastry as an afternoon tea snack.

Under much less idiotic circumstances, I found myself invited by Penny, Billy and Tristan to have breakfast at quite the anti-night owl hour and got my transport shit sorted – Le Traiteur is a two-minute walk from Flagstaff station. Coffees and tea were ordered as we strategically selected our breakfast choices. I liked that there was an unwritten agreement that everyone could take photos of each others’ dishes and that the staff were so cheerful and accommodating about photos of the premises and them at work. Suck on that, Stuart White!

I chose one of the simpler, heartier dishes on the menu – the semolina porridge with poached fruits quatre épices. You should have seen the look on my face when I bit into that glorious confit cumquat. This is as close to Ready-Brek as I’ll ever get in my adopted country – nourishing, not too sweet and fortifying. I felt ready to be bundled off into the cold after this. There are lots of ‘sexier’ breakfast options on the menu, but don’t neglect this because it sounds plain – it isn’t.

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Partner in crime Tristan got the pikelet stack with Calvados apples and crème fraiche. Having anything with Calvados so early in the morning has got to be labelled decadent!

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Billy had the croque madame. This would make a great takeaway breakfast. Feel free to pick it up with your hands and eat it like a sandwich!

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Penny chose a dish I would normally choose (I seem to prefer savoury breakfast or brunch dishes to sweet) – the confit eggs, cured trout and fromage frais on seeded loaf. The confit egg piqued up everyone’s curiosity as it is poached in warm oil. That’s right. And yet, its edges look so crispy, as if fried…Penny vowed she would experiment in her kitchen. As for myself, I can barely poach an egg…can’t quite slide them out properly so they look pretty. It’s most likely that if I ever went to a Masterchef audition, they’d just see me and laugh. They’d know.

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Not much to add, really. The staff are very friendly, the food’s great and I want to go back. I’m very likely to duck in again for a meal before work even though it’s not at all on my way – would you not agree that that’s a firm endorsement?

If you’d like to read my fellow breakfasters’ reports on this lovely place, head on over to Half-Eaten and Addictive and consuming. Aside from being ace food blog wanksters, they are consummate company for pre-work city breakfasts. Hope we can do it again, guys!

Le Traiteur on Urbanspoon

*Fr. I’m not a caterer